Stillbirth: 'It took me 57 years to find my baby's grave'

Anne Howard visited Belinda's grave with her daughter Jane

In May, BBC North West Tonight told the story of Lilian Thorpe, a woman who had never known where or even if her stillborn baby had been buried.

In the programme, the council which helped Lilian find her son encouraged others in a similar situation to access records by providing the mother's full name at the time of the birth, their address and the date of their baby's death.

Anne Howard and Gina Jacobs were two such women and were spurred into action after seeing Lilian's story.

'I can't believe it'

Anne, who now lives in Cumbria, gave birth to her daughter Belinda in May 1965.

She said it was a complicated birth, due to a congenital condition, which resulted in Belinda being stillborn.

She said within moments, her daughter was taken away and she "never saw her".

"[The medics] didn't say anything," she said.

"They didn't tell you anything in those days."

Anne said finding Belinda's grave "just felt like closure"

She said it impacted her greatly and she "didn't like babies for a long, long time".

"I couldn't stand a baby crying or be near a small child."

She said she did not realise at the time that she was dealing with trauma, adding: "You just had to accept it. There was nothing else for it, was there?"

However, not knowing where Belinda was buried left "a big hole" in her life.

"Really and truly, we didn't know [what happened to her]," she said.

"Had they buried her? Had they just thrown her away?"

The 82-year-old found her daughter's resting place at Blacon Cemetery in Chester on what would have been Belinda's 57th birthday.

"It was lovely to have found her and it didn't upset me," she said.

"I think it just felt like closure.

"It's just wonderful. I can't believe it."

Belinda was buried in a grave with a number of other stillborn children, something which Anne said had given her some comfort.

"It is nice to think she's with other babies as well," she said.

"She wasn't all on her own."

'An outrageous lie'

For more than five decades, Gina did not know exactly what happened to her stillborn baby boy.

In February 1969, she gave birth to her son Robert Harrison, but she was never given the chance to even say his name out loud.

"The name was never acknowledged, because nobody ever asked me," she said.

Gina said the medics who were there at Robert's birth "seemed to think that if I didn't see him, I'd get over it better"

The 79-year-old, who lives in Wirral, said she can still remember the silence as Robert was born with a cord around his neck.

"They wouldn't let me see him," she said.

"They seemed to think that if I didn't see him, I'd get over it better."

In keeping with practices at the time, she was not told the exact location of where Robert was buried, although she was told he was in Landican Cemetery in Birkenhead.

Robert Harrison was buried with 61 other babies

"The years passed and I always wanted to know where that baby was," she said.

"They told us that he had gone in the foot of a grave of a person who was being buried that day.

"We know now that that was an outrageous lie, because that was not the case."

Gina believed she would never find the exact location of Robert's final resting place, but when she saw the BBC North West Tonight report, she was given new hope.

"I saw the programme and I thought I've got to do it," she said.

"It took me 53 years and that programme to find my baby."

Gina, who is now a great-great-grandmother, discovered that Robert was buried with 62 other babies in a single plot.

She now cycles there every week to visit him.

"I actually feel happy because I know where he is," she said.

"I can acknowledge that he was born."

BBC Action Line

If you or someone you know has been affected by issues with pregnancy, these organisations may be able to help.

You can watch more on this story on BBC North West Tonight at 18:30 BST on Wednesday 12 October.

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