Shaunagh Brown column: 'I just felt empty after losing World Cup final'
- Published
After England lost the Rugby World Cup final against New Zealand, I just felt empty.
There were a lot of people crying and a lot of tears. We were at a sold-out Eden Park in Auckland so there were a lot of happy people around too.
I stood there and just felt nothing.
The loss is incredibly tough to take because there is so much more to it than just that one final.
It goes beyond even the long seven weeks we have spent in New Zealand trying to fulfil our World Cup goal.
We were in pre-season since July. We busted our guts week in, week out. We gave so much physically that sometimes we would throw up during training sessions.
When you have emptied your tank for weeks and weeks for one single moment, it is hard not to to feel like it was all for nothing.
But I do know there is a bigger picture and that we were involved in a special day for women's rugby.
This England side still went on a record winning run of 30 Tests and we played in front of a record crowd of 42,579 at Eden Park.
I have had so many messages - from people in rugby like ex-England player Ugo Monye, to people outside like athlete Dina Asher-Smith - just letting me know that no matter the result, we have inspired a generation.
New Zealand beat England in dramatic World Cup final
'It is not the end of me'
Losing a World Cup final is a horrible feeling but I have always been someone with good perspective on rugby.
This would not have been the making of me if we had won it and it is not the end of me now that we have not won it.
That was not the worst day of my life. Life is far too important for that.
We went down to 14 players when Lydia Thompson was sent off in the first half and I am so proud of the team for how we responded to that and that we ended the final only three points down.
Before rugby I competed in athletics and it is interesting how the attitude to silver medals is different in team sport.
If you won silver at an Olympic Games, you would go home to a medal ceremony and still be celebrated.
In team sport, you have lost and that is it.
'We will sell out Twickenham'
Regardless of the result, there is no denying the quality of that final. It showed people that investing in women's sport is worth it.
England's union made its women's players professional before anyone else - we have had contracts since 2019.
England will not lower that bar now and everyone else needs to come up to us. We have got our first standalone match at Twickenham against France in April's Women's Six Nations.
We will host the next World Cup in 2025 and as players straight after the final we talked about what an incredible event that is going to be.
The intention is to take that tournament around the country and that will be amazing.
After the match, we spoke about how much we cannot wait to see England play in a World Cup final at Twickenham in front of 80,000 people.
Seeing Eden Park full yesterday, I truly believe that is going to happen.
We fly home on Sunday evening and I am so excited to see my fiance Benjii and my family.
I am really looking forward to a roast dinner. I haven't had one in seven weeks so that is going to be my first meal when I get home.
My mum will want to cook it but I want to go to the carvery. I just want to pile my plate up with so many things that it all falls off - that will make me so happy.
Shaunagh Brown was speaking to BBC Sport's Becky Grey.
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