Hi (insert name here). Sorry I missed your 17 calls, we've been fielding. We're off for rain now, but there's an inspection in 15 minutes, I definitely think we'll get back on. Signal is terrible here, so I'm sorry if you don't hear from me for a while. Can you pick me up later please? Love you. Ps Can you record the cup final?

In fact, if you're telling a few fibs about whether or not your game is being played and can't face a phone call, copy and paste this generic text message we've prepared for you...

If what I've just described applies to you, fess up and get in touch. Anonymity not guaranteed.

Player's mobile phone rings. It's his girlfriend/wife/partner.

Partner: "It must be rained off, when are you coming home?"

Player peers out of the dressing room window, sees scenes that would make Noah seasick. Sightscreen floats past, while 11-year-old scorer desperately tries not to drown in a puddle.

Player: "No, it's brightening up. I think we'll be back on in 20 minutes."

Partner: "But I'm only 10 minutes away and the street is flooded. I'm worried the car might float away."

Player: "That's strange. It's cracking the flags here. I reckon this one will go the distance. I'll phone you when we're done, but I doubt that will be before 8.30. Bye."

Player returns to the rest of his team, asks who's dealing the cards and takes another swig of his pint.

With all these non-cricket photos, I know there's something else going on up and down the country right now.

Lies.

It goes a little something like this....

There are plenty of people in the stands at Headingley and the fourth umpire Peter Hartley is out on the ground. It has stopped raining and the green sheets that were covering the square are coming off.

Ben Brodie: It has officially stopped raining at Headingley - a tiny ray of hope.

Meanwhile....

Also, it makes you realise that pretty much every club is the same. 

The scramble to find an 11th man on a Friday night, begging someone to do teas, stressing over where the pro is going to live, moaning from the groundsman, that bloke who always turns up to watch despite no one knowing who he is, fancy dress at the end-of-season do, committee meetings wondering where all the money has gone, trying to explain to my girlfriend where I am on 22 consecutive Saturdays in the summer.

Good times. 

I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying these club cricket pictures. Makes me wistful for the game I'm missing today. If anyone knows how Sandyford are getting on, then please let me know.

Plymstock CC? I've played there. Lovely ground. Alright fellas? No play today?

Here's another classic club cricket scene too...

Outstanding. That must be the scene up and down the country right now.