Things are looking so bleak for England that we have just started looking up how many times a team has failed to take a wicket during a full day's play on the opening day of a Test.

The answer is five if you're wondering...

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It certainly does look jovial in the TMS box. Who are you backing in this quiz?

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Chris Wellman: Utterly clueless selections. We need pace so even a 90% fit Mark Wood would be an improvement. Why take Crane if you aren't going to play him?! Swanny's comment said it all. Defensive and myopic attitude. Bored of this.

Dekenba: Rarely do you see a Test match half lost before the toss due to team selection - or lack of, with the same players getting picked - and wholly lost before lunch on the first day due to inept, harmless bowling. Missed opportunity for new blood & dump old blood.

Ebony Rainford-Brent
Ex-England batter on BBC Test Match Special

You can accept losing as a fan if you see the team is trying and is trying new things but when it seems to be going into a routine and is just plodding away - that is what it feels like in this series.

There is still some Christmas cheer in the TMS box but I'm not sure there is much left among England cricket fans.

I can only think of Stuart Broad's 8-15 in 2015 as a more one-sided session in recent memory.

I'm struggling to remember an appeal or close call in that session. There was one play and miss from David Warner early on and a few awkward shots from Cameron Bancroft but that's about it.

BBC Test Match Special

Right now on Test Match Special there is an Ashes Christmas quiz between England and Australia.

It is Vic Marks and Alison Mitchell v Glenn McGrath and Jim Maxwell.

Tune in by clicking the play icon at the top of this page!

Thanks Jack. Hello everyone. Yep I optimistically laid out 10 pieces of Christmas marzipan in front of my keyboard at the start of play with the rule to eat one for every wicket England take today. I think if things are the same at tea I may be revising that policy.

That was a seriously one-sided session of cricket.

With that I'll hand over to Matt Henry - a man whose policy of only eating a piece of marzipan every time a wicket falls is currently working wonders for his health but not for his mood.

Will Matt get his marzipan today? I'll be back for the third session. Cheers.

Ebony Rainford-Brent
Ex-England batter on BBC Test Match Special

Warner has kept it very simple. He has not tried to be too aggressive and has played the ball on its merit.

England have tried a bit but with everything they have tried, it has just been too good a wicket.

An utterly chastening Boxing Day morning for England. The bowlers haven't looked like troubling a clearly very up-for-it David Warner at all.

Even Cameron Bancroft, who has been pretty scratchy at times, hasn't presented loads of chances.

It looks set to be a very, very long day in the field for the tourists.

Ed Smith
Ex-England batsman on BBC Test Match Special

If it was a boxing match I fear England would already be being waved to a neutral corner.

Andrew Samson
BBC Test Match Special statistician

The second Australian fifty has taken just 63 balls.

A couple of dot balls follow, a decent response from Moeen after that clattering.

Here's the final ball before lunch - and Warner just pushes it away towards cover for no run.

That is perhaps one of the most one-sided sessions you will ever see in Test cricket.

Australia are firmly on top.

Ed Smith
Ex-England batsman on BBC Test Match Special

This could be a very ugly day for England.

Aus 102-0published at 27.3 overs

27.3 overs

David Warner has look at a couple from Moeen before smashing him back over his head for six.

And that's the 100 partnership up, one that Warner has dominated in ominous fashion.

It will be Moeen Ali to bowl the final over before lunch, which brings an end to Tom Curran's first spell in Test cricket - 4-1-17-0.

Stephan Shemilt
BBC Sport in Melbourne

Image source, Getty Images

Billy the Barmy Army trumpeter was in Brisbane, then went home for two Tests. He's back now and has just struck up the brass for the first time in the match. When he wasn't here, the Barmies hired a local trombonist. It's not quite the same....

Anderson to Bancroft, whose jitters and resulting inability to rotate the strike is probably the only thing that has prevented Warner from reaching 100 before lunch.

Ooof, Anderson gets one to move back into the right-hander - Bancroft shoulders arms and that whistles not far past the stumps.

A well-directed bouncer follows and Bancroft is back to struggling, the ball flicking his elbow on the way through to Jonny Bairstow. A maiden.

Should be time for one more over before lunch...

Peter Carr: Think Mason Crane might have dodged a bullet by not playing here. Either way, playing Woakes at 7 the way he's been batting would be mad.