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Welcome to the glorious incongruity of FA Cup third round - the weekend in which rank, respect and niceties are tossed out with the Christmas decorations.

The A-listers mix with the hoi-polloi, the mechanic takes on the millionaire and a small-town ground somewhere becomes the epicentre of something seismic.

It is the footballing equivalent of turning up at a south London student house party, only to find yourself quoting Mighty Boosh and ill-informed politics at Oscar winner Jennifer Lawrence., external

Let's get it on.