Jack Tanner: Good luck anyone paying £15 for this... If ever a game had 0-0 written all over it

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Fulham have never started a season with five successive league defeats. Grrr.

They could lose their opening three away fixtures in a Premier League season for the second time, after 2008-09. Harumph.

Fulham's solitary victory in their past 23 Premier League away games was by 1-0 at Bournemouth in April 2019 (D2, L20). OK, I'm running out of pained noises now.

Scott Parker has lost 11 of his 14 Premier League matches as a head coach. Brrrr? No, doesn't work.

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Sheffield United have begun a top-flight season with four straight defeats for the first time since 1966. Ah.

The Blades have only once lost their opening five league fixtures in a season, when in the second tier in 1995-96. Eek.

Manager Chris Wilder has lost seven consecutive league matches as a manager for the first time since a run of 10 consecutive defeats with Halifax Town between February and April 2004. Oooh.

A loss today will represent the first time Sheffield United have lost eight league games on the bounce in their history. Ouch.

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There have been two previous Premier League meetings between these two, in the 2006-07 season. Neil Warnock was still Blades gaffer, with Tongey, Paddy, Jagsy and Bromby-y in his side, while Chris Coleman was Cottagers gaffer, although he was gone by April. Fulham won 1-0 at the Cottage, but United were 2-0 winners at Bramall Lane. Steady and Tongey with the goals.

Fulham won 5-4 away and 3-0 at home in the most recent matches between the sides, in the 2017-18 Championship. Fulham's Ryan Sessegnon and Leon Clarke of Sheffield United scored hat-tricks in the game at Bramall Lane.

More of that today please.

OK, back to today and our first game - the battle at the bottom between Sheffield United and Fulham

I do have some good news for the Blades and Cottagers. According to Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, Manchester United's season started yesterday. So, if they wanted, Chris Wilder and Scott Parker could just pretend the four defeats so far never happened and that today and all the games after are the real quiz.

But to more serious matters and there is no shortage of respect between the two gaffers...

"Scott is a committed and intelligent football man and he will want to take this opportunity and be a success," Wilder said of Parker.

"What Chris has done at Sheffield United is nothing short of incredible. I have no doubt they’ll go and pick up some results and do well again this year," Parker said in return.

Here is what Jurgen Klopp and Carlo Ancelotti had to say about that action-packed Merseyside derby yesterday lunchtime...

Bill McKinney: Cracks showing in Liverpool, last season they got everything from VAR, hardly any decision went against them, now suddenly 2 in one game go against them, they want FA to review it? Now you know how Leicester at Anfield felt, when Mane fell down, got penalty.

Mandeep Sanghera
BBC Sport

Liverpool will wait until after Virgil van Dijk has seen a consultant today before confirming the extent of his injury.

It is understood there is concern about the injury to the defender but the club feel it is more appropriate and responsible to get a clear diagnosis rather than speculate.

They should be able to offer clarity later today.

On Thiago, Liverpool are hopeful his injury, sustained following a tackle by Richarlison, is not serious but will see how it settles.

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One bit of news we did get yesterday evening about Virgil van Dijk's knee injury is that it is "not good" according to Liverpool boss Jurgen Klopp.

There was talk of cruciate ligament damage, meaning anything up to eight months out for the defender, but there has been no confirmation of this yet.

"Virgil played I don't know how many games in a row, he plays with pain, but he couldn't play on," said Klopp. "That's not good."

Inevitably, some of the chat today is going to be fall-out from yesterday, which showcased a potentially serious injury to a key player for the champions and a couple of debatable VAR calls - one for the aforementioned injury and another for a disallowed late goal.

And that was all just in the one game on Merseyside.

I don't see the point in going back over it all in minute detail. But feel free to get any lasting frustration off your chest via twitter (#bbcfootball) or text (81111 - UK only) before today's games start and provide us with a whole load of different controversial incidents to bang on about. Ominously, they were testing the VAR system earlier on our live feed from Bramall Lane.

Finally, it's the Martin O'Neill/Marc Albrighton/Julian Joachim, etc derby as Leicester host Aston Villa.

Do we think Dean Smith will name the same starting XI that began the 7-2 win over Liverpool?

These two sides come into the game next to each other in the table - City in fourth, Villa third. But the latter has played a game less, has a 100% record so far and is coming in to the game off arguably it's greatest Premier League result. The former were given a big reality check in their last match, losing 3-0 at home to West Ham.

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Tottenham v West Ham. Another derby. This one perhaps more legitimate.

Both sides coming in to it off the back of very good wins, but the real talking point is the likely second Spurs debut of one Gareth Bale.

Tottenham boss Jose Mourinho has said the Welshman will play some part in the game, either from the start or off the bench. It will be his first involvement after re-joining the club from Real Madrid this summer. Having played so little for Real, he had to get himself back up to speed.

Bale, Kane and Son - not a bad forward line that if they're all firing.

That game is a 16:30 BST kick-off.

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After this first game, at 14:00 BST, we've got the kind of derby that's not really a derby at all... er... derby.

Yes, it's Crystal Palace v Brighton, that odd rivalry that first began in the late 1970s when both were in the third division and led, respectively, by Terry Venables and Alan Mullery.

I'm not going to go through the entire history. That's why we have Wikipedia. Anyway, it's another of those game where you really wish there were fans in the stand.

By the way, is it just in England that we call derbies after road names? Feels like a very English, Alan Partridgey thing to do.

Be very interesting to see how Ruben Loftus-Cheek gets on. Really good player, but one who has fallen foul of first-team opportunity and his own inconsistency. If he can stay injury-free, this season is a real chance to show what he can do.

It has certainly got a bit more about it now, this Fulham XI. Ademola Lookman is clearly talented. They've freshened up the centre of defence a bit and in Andre-Frank Zambo Anguissa have arguably the best player on either side.

Sheffield United make three changes to the side beaten by Arsenal before the international break, with Oliver McBurnie, Max Lowe and Oliver Norwood coming into the side.

Oliver Burke, Jack Robinson and Ben Osborn make way, while record signing Rhian Brewster could make his debut from the bench.

Fulham hand debuts to Ruben Loftus-Cheek and Tosin Adarabioyo, while Ademola Lookman makes his first start for Scott Parker's side.

Bobby De Cordova-Reid, Joe Bryan and Maxime Le Marchand drop out from the side who lost to Wolves last time out.

Well, first up we've got a battle of the Premier League's bottom two, with more L's next to their name than a driving school. OK, four.

Fulham and Sheffield United have lost a quartet of matches each so far this season.

The good news is that will change for at least one of them today. The bad news is that it could well mean a fifth for the other. And campaigns that start with five straight defeats don't often tend to end well.

That game kicks off in just under an hours time, meaning we have some team news to bring you...

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At times, it feels like the Premier League has been scripted by M. Night Shyamalan.

And good M. Night, not bad M. Night.

Sixth Sense or Unbreakable, not Last Airbender and that one with the grass dog and the mermaid. Or that one with Mark Walhberg where breezes kill people.

We had an eventful, twist-laden Merseyside derby, a six-goal thriller at Stamford Bridge, the master getting the better of his apprentice at the Etihad and a late salvo from Man Utd at Newcastle.

What has today got in store?

A lot of things have been levelled at the Premier League of late.

But one things you can't accuse it of right now is that it is dull...

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And the best part is that there is plenty more still to come...