Ring, ring, ring.

"Hello, is that Mr Redknapp? It's Dave here from.."

"Can you take this, Bondy?"

Surreal scenes on the QPR bench as Harry Redknapp takes a call and immediately passes it to his assistant Kevin Bond. Those pesky cold callers.

Image source, Getty Images

Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho: "It was a difficult game. They started better than us, but Eden gave us the penalty and the first goal and the game could have finished there if it had been a red card.

I think the referee has had a fantastic performance, but Arsenal could have finished with eight men, Koscielny could have a straight red, a double yellow for Chambers in the first half and a red for Danny Welbeck.

On Thibaut Courtois's possible concussion: "During the game I don't want to speak with my medical department, I just want decisions. I have to watch the game. They told me he was ready to continue but a few minutes later it was not possible."

On his touchline clash with Arsene Wenger: "There are two technical areas not one. He was coming to my space. If it was to give an instruction to a player I say OK, but to press the referee to give a red card to an opponent is not fair. I don't think that is the image of Arsene Wenger as an advocate of fair play."

Former West Ham striker John Hartson at Upton Park
BBC Radio 5 live

"Good play from Charlie Austin there. He gets a little bit of luck with the ball going through James Tomkins' legs, Niko Kranjcar is screaming for him to play the five-yard pass but Austin tries to beat Adrian at his far post. He couldn't quite get the execution right. A good chance."

Top forward play by Charlie Austin, until the finish. The big Rangers targetman nutmegs James Tomkins to create room in the box, before opening up his body and trying to bend his shot beyond Adrian who makes a smart save. Perhaps the striker should have dragged the ball back to an unmarked Niko Kranjcar?

Joseph Reade:, external In midweek Danny Welbeck was considered amazing and now he's rubbish. The wind is less fickle than football fans.

George Spooner:, external QPR just look destined to go down. They didn't even deserve to be promoted after Derby were robbed by Bobby Zamora.

Mark Daws:, external I hope Harry Redknapp, Rio Ferdinand and Bobby Zamora get a warm welcome today. Can't promise Robert Green will though.

I've no idea about Premier League pitch dimensions, but the Upton Park playing area appears to be more narrow than others. A trick of the eye, or am I right? As a result, play is quite bunched in the middle of the park.

Morgan Amalfitano is pulling the strings for West Ham - a clever ball over the top being put out for a corner by Rio Ferdinand. From the resulting centre, the Hammers are pressed back.

Image source, Getty Images

Former West Ham striker John Hartson at Upton Park
BBC Radio 5 live

"What West Ham have that QPR don't is willing runners going in behind the defence. Everything going up to Charlie Austin is just coming straight back.

"We haven't see one long ball yet from West Ham. With Diafra Sakho, Enner Valencia, Morgan Amalfitano and Mauro Zarate they look a different team altogether in terms of the way they are playing. Maybe that is why Sam Allardyce isn't getting as much as stick as he was towards the back end of last season."

Ipswich restore their lead against Nottingham Forest. Daryl Murphy gets his second of the game as he heads in a Tyrone Mings cross.

James Truscott:, external Wonder what the people who were once calling for 'Arry to be England manager are thinking now? Overrated manager!

Kyle Murfet:, external Is Batmanu Eboue's house (see 14:12) still up for grabs?

Kahilll:, external It's obvious the pressure of beating Jose Mourinho is getting to Arsene Wenger. Maybe he needs 12 rounds there on the pitch to beat him...

Arsene Wenger has just been asked what he thought about his earlier touchline spat with Jose Mourinho. His reply: "I say absolutely nothing."

Image source, EPA

Rangers defender Rio Ferdinand is making his 500th Premier League appearance today. He made his first for today's opponents West Ham on 5 May, 1996 against Sheffield Wednesday as a replacement for Tony Cottee. To put that into context, George Michael had just replaced Mark Morrison and 'Return of the Mack' as number one in the UK pop charts in May 1996.

Jack Ewins:, external Same story. Slow start and getting punished for it... If QPR keep doing this we won't be in the Premier League next season.

Another good opportunity for West Ham when Diafra Sakho tees up Enner Valencia from 10 yards out, but the striker pokes his effort wide. QPR aren't at the races yet.

Former West Ham striker John Hartson at Upton Park
BBC Radio 5 live

"You can't come to places like West Ham and defend the way QPR have in the first five minutes. We saw the start West Ham made here against Liverpool - and they went on to deservedly win that game - and they have started well again."

It's no surprise that West Ham manager Sam Allardyce is looking pretty smug on the Hammers bench. I noticed earlier that Big Sam celebrates his 60th birthday this month. I imagine that would be a good do. What would Big Sam's 60th consist of? I'm going for a spot of cabaret, 70s fancy dress, cigars and brandy. Care to speculate?

West Ham make a flying start - Stewart Downing whipping in a flat corner which is poked home from six yards by Nedum Onuoha, under pressure from Diafra Sakho.

Image source, Getty Images

Chelsea midfielder Cesc Fabregas speaking to Sky Sports: "I have huge respect for Arsenal. I know that I would not have the things I have or won the things I have if it was not for them. I understand the fans' reaction, I know they love me but because of some certain circumstances it is not to be. But now I am with a great club, with great fans and a great coach and I am concentrating on that."

Image source, Getty Images

I'm just wondering how Batmanu Eboue (14:12) is feeling? I hope he didn't make that bet.

No sooner does one match finish, than another starts. I love Sundays like this.